(message answered as post in order to remove #’s)
Q: I was at a ___ weight when I experienced a relapse with my ED. When I finally recovered, my ___ frame blew up to a whopping ___ pounds. A lot of it is still muscle, because I used to lift a lot, but even more is fat. And I just feel so fat & awful. Even though I exercise frequently and eat a lot of fruit/veggies & minimal junk food, my body holds onto the weight now. I just can’t win & it’s getting so hard not to relapse :’( especially when I’m fat even though I take good care of myself :(
A: Hi dear, I’m sure that’s very frustrating for you :( Have you ever heard of the set point theory? It’s well-supported theory that each of our bodies has a specific weight at which it is happiest; when you fall below that weight, your metabolism slows, and when you go above it, your metabolism increases. However, eating disorders do a great job of derailing this mechanism. Right now, your body is probably pretty confused… It still isn’t sure if it trusts you to not starve it again, so it’s holding on to all that it can. But, once you’ve been in solid recovery for about a year (this varies from person to person of course), your body will begin to trust you and regain its usual mechanisms, like set point. Then, your weight should stabilize (on its own, and without your effort) to a weight that is healthy for you. I know that may sound a little far-fetched, but I’ve seen it happen over and over again — my own recovery included.
But relapsing… that won’t do you any good in the long run. It will make it harder for your body to be naturally healthy again, and will make it harder for it to begin to trust you in the future. Furthermore, your eating disorder is never, ever, ever, ever going to make you HAPPY. But continuing to treat your body with love and respect, and beginning the journey to radical self-acceptance? That will bring you happiness, and life, and light. I promise your disorder never can, never will. Relapsing just isn’t worth it.
Hi hun, I totally understand that “urge.” Just remember… urges are only urges, they are NOT something you have to act on. If an urge serves no purpose and is constantly ignored, it will eventually dissipate. So stay strong love :) “Normal”?… No, not exactly. But very typical for someone who has struggled with an eating disorder. If you can, try to pinpoint the emotions that are behind your urges… do you feel anxious, overwhelmed, guilty? (“Fat,” by the way, doesn’t count as an emotion ;)). There are lots of tools and techniques you can use to address these negative emotions without acting out on your eating disorder. I’ve found ‘grounding’ to be very helpful… here’s a great link that gives you some of those techniques: http://www.bcbhr.org/Articles.aspx?7 :) Good luck hun and stay healthy <3
Hi hun, sorry to hear you’re struggling :( Here’s the thing about weight gain in recovery… It’s necessary. Whether it happens now or 20 years of fighting later, you will eventually have to learn to accept a healthy body if you ever want to be free from this. Backtracking and losing weight now is only going to procrastinate the inevitable — and the longer you spend in your ED, the harder and longer that process will be. The best thing you could possibly do for yourself and your recovery and your health and your life… is to push through this discomfort. I know it’s hard. I know it sucks. But it gets better, easier. Way easier than living with anorexia.
What if you wake up one morning and you’re in bed with the love of your life and they have their arm around you and their snoring like a fucking ass hole, but you can’t help but to smile and you hear a baby crying and it finally hits you, you’ve made it.
you beat the demons inside you, the voices, the darkness.
I look forward to that, to knowing I made it.
this deserve so many notes
This is so uplifting